i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
