oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
