..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
