I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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