WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
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