I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
