I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
