have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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