I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
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I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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