You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
