I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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