Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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