you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
