South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
