Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize