her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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