I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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