Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
