I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
