is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
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Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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