tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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