i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
