she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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