physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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