Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
