Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
