The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
