My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
