what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
