Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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