I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
