I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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