I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Mom said you looked used
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
