another moral hangover. fuck.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
