ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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