when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize