I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
