what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
