Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You pole danced in your parka.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
