It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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