The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
