Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
