You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize