we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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