Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
