the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize