i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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