is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
