My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
