the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
