You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
