Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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