my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
