I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
