his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
