Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
