I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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