That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
